Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
