Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
