I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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