I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
