So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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