Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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