just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
