i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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