I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
