I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
