i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
