Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
