So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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