we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
