My cat gives me a boner
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
