He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Michael Bay diarrhea
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
