got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
