i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
