I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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