I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Randomize
