don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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