you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
