it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your cock deserves a montage
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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