if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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