is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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