the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
