Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So here I am, sexting at work.
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