I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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