That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
