Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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