i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
