Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
