I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
