you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I will pee on everything he values.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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