Do you still have your period?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
