Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You took a bar mat shot.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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