Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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