Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
