I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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