Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
