at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
