I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
