I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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