I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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