nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
