what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
