where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
