i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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