Screwed.edu
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
