I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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