Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
