just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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