dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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