Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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