Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
