OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
