i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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