help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
