she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
