She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
