i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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