woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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