By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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