Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
