those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
