it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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