I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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