ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
