sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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