i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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