im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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