I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
