I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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