at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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