please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he was CRYING into my vagina
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
