I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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