but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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