I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
