Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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