I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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