i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
